I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
