Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
