I skipped work to stalk him.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
