You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
