he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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