Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
zippers are such a cool invention
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
