I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
