im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
