There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
