Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
