ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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