Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
North Korea, Best Korea!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
