call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
