Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
