I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
