My friends, they love my intelligence
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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