You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
