I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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