Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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