I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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