That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
