the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
