I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
