PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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