The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
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I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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