can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
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The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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