Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
