Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
