my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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