I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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