I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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