You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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