This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
