you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
