i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
there is glitter all over my balls
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
