I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my phone needs a breathalizer
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize