You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
