Taylor Swift is so right about you.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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