Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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