Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
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