will power is for people who don't want to get laid
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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