I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
