i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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