FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
