apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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