I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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