There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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