I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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