If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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