it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
