Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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