you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need a beard to bite.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
