the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
