I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
