hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fill condoms, not promises.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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