YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
